Regrets…

Today is a hard day that seems to always catch me off guard and makes me think of all the things that I should have done 3 years ago.

3 years ago…

3 years ago the day seemed just as hot as it is today, maybe that is because I was 9 months pregnant and my daughter was in the local 4h fair. I should have taken more photos, I should have been nicer, I should have not been acting like a very hot, very cranky, very pregnant with third child person. If I could go back to today 3 years ago and change things I would, oh how I would change things…

You see, 3 years ago was the last time I saw my dad, he died less than a month later, in fact it was the same day that my son was born, that is a whole different post.

I wish I had taken more photos of him with the girls that day, I don’t think I took any… I wish I had gotten a photo of the two of us… none where taken… I wish I had taken more photos with him and my mom… once again I didn’t take any… me a photographer didn’t take any photos, and I kick myself almost everyday when I think about it.

I still have the memory of dad and mom sitting on a bench under one of the tents taking a break from the heat giving each other a little peck, their anniversary was the day before. I wish I had more memories from that day…

I could go on and on about the guilt and what I should have done and how I should have acted differently, but who wants to read a pity party… I just needed to get some words out…

Take that photo, even if you don’t like the way you look, the person who loves you and doesn’t care will thank you later, let that photo be taken of you for the same reason, you can’t get back today… all of us where given a certain amount of time in this life, and it’s one thing that you can’t add more time to, we are all running out of it. So be nice, take that photo, give that hug, give that extra moment because you don’t know if it is your last, try not to yell at your kids, because thats not how you want your last moments with them to be. Be kind, be gentle, be loving…

~mary e. J mason

Morning coffee

It’s a perfect morning to read outside while the chickens make their loud clicking noises to each other the chicks are chirping, the birds are singing, my oldest two are still sleeping and my youngest is running around in his underwear #mylittlehomestead🐐🐓🦆🐇 #thisulgybeautifullifeilive💕 #joysoflivinginasmallhouse #joysoflovinginasmallhouse #smallfarmlife #smalltownlife

Bus stop knitting 🧶 #2

So yes I’m still working on my first sock, I haven’t even made it to working on the second… I do have 3 kids 9, 4, & 2 so I feel this is a good excuse. I have had to take some stitches and rows out a few times and am most likely going to have to redo this one because I don’t think I made the leg long enough. However here is my progress, fingers crossed I’ll post a photo of my finished sock soon or at least the start of the toe, I’m working on the foot now

1,000 square feet

This may sound weird… but i feel like i lost a loved one today, now you may be thinking that if I’m thinking that than i don’t really know how that feels but believe me i know better than most.

1,000 square feet, thats all i have to work with, all i have to live it, that may seem like a lot to some but you have to add in the 3 children, the husband, and the four legged animals that share in this 1,000 square foot space.

I took down my easel today, and now i feel like i am telling myself that I’m not a real artist, like i have to paint to be an artist, all the other things you do don’t count…

In truth i am probably better at textiles than i am at painting

In truth i seem to live in a place where my painting style is not cared for and that hurts,

In truth, when I’m in the room with another artist, a painter, and they are the ones that are called the artist, the one with a gift, and nothing is said to me… it makes you question yourself, question if you really are good enough, and than i have to remember that my paintings have been shown in galleries so i can’t be all that bad.

This chapter of my life is not the chapter that allowns me to paint, to experiment like i want to, so i feel like i have lost a loved one, a part of me is missing.

Many people will not understand, heck my husband doesn’t understand, he didn’t even notice the big empty space in the living room, but that does not mean that the feelings are not real,

I need to focus on embroidery, i need to experiment and paint with thread.

Mom life

The day after this session I got the flu for a week, as soon as I’m over that I have a respiratory thing going on and have lost my voice, this morning I am finally able to start editing (who needs a voice to do that!) with a 2 year climbing all over me and my 4 & 8 year endlessly repeating “mommy” or “STOP IT” and me trying to say “stop touching!” or “get that out of your mouth!” Did I mention that my laptop of 10+ years decided to stop working this week so I had to get the “big boy” out of storage yesterday, and now since it’s a “new” thing I can’t keep the kids away! Here’s to early Saturday morning editing all while moming it with biscuits & gravy and fresh eggs for breakfast, putting wood in the stove so we don’t freeze, changing diapers, and trying not to yell, keep 3 kiddos unhurt, all while trying to get sick or at least sicker than I already am. I forgot, I’m going on 4 hours of sleep and tonight is the time change… also why do they get up so early and so well on Saturday and not school days 🤷🏼‍♀️ I almost forgot I need to go let the chickens and ducks out and feed the goats #momlife #neverending #thisulgybeautifullifeilive💕 #joysoflovinginasmallhouse #familyphotographer #isitbedtimeyet #countrylife #woodstovelife #girlandboymama💜💜💙