Oh how i miss photography!!! I miss the not knowing, i miss the smell, i miss seeing the image “magically” appear when i put the paper into developer, i miss having to look a negatives with a light table and loupe, i miss the red light, i miss not being able to see when you push open that heavy door, i miss the total darkness.
I used to hide away for HOURS working at my favorite enlarger in the back of the darkroom… it was the only one that did medium format, and I had a holga that i was in LOVE with… in college i always had a smell to me it was a mix of sweat from working out at the gym, the smell of the darkroom from my hours spent there and the painting studio…I must say my roommates loved me 😷😉
I still shoot with film, I still love my holga and my roily, I shoot with digital also, I LOVE my Fuji cameras, I think it’s because they let you choose a film type to shoot with, it’s not quite the same but it’s much closer than the other cameras. My Fuji cameras also have a feel and look of old film cameras you know like the canon ae-1 or the canon FT-b. My dad turned me onto photography, that turned me onto my first job working in a photo lab right out of high school, and into the darkroom in college. He also turned me onto Fuji cameras.
I noticed that my love or my want to create with photography has slowly been put on the back burner for the past 3 years, the same amount of time that my dad has been gone…
Did I put photography aside as a way of mourning for my dad? I no longer had anyone to talk cameras with, no one to share my excitement with when I discovered a new way to do something. Did I put it aside because he was the one who funded me with my love for photography, I never really had the money to buy the equipment that was needed. Maybe I was or still am scared to enjoy something that was ours to enjoy together, maybe there is a little bit of guilt where there should not be. He would love the fact that I am doing embroidery and quilting now, something that I did not do when he was still with me. But I’m also pretty sure that he would want me to go on with fine art photography, I’m pretty sure he would be sad that I have put it aside and my cameras and they are gathering dust. So here it goes, I am going to open my heart back up to taking photographs.
I’m going to try and start sharing my work a day at a time, maybe than I will post more often, maybe than I will fall back in love with photography, maybe than I will get my third eye back, I used to always have a camera at my hip, right now I normally have a child at my hip, but the child is 3 years, it’s time to have him walk and time for me to put the camera back where it belongs.
~mary e.J mason